So, let’s say that one day you decided to write a TV series,
you have an idea and a few months off work. So you set to, writing away
feverishly, compiling yourself a twenty-four episode show, something say like a
frontier, but in space, (including all the sex, violence and gratuitous cursing
you can fit onto and A4), Deadwood meets Firefly. You’re sure you aren't playterising
too heavily and therefore can’t be sued for copyright theft, of intellectual
theft. The question becomes, what do you do with it now? Who do you go to with
your masterpiece and why?
As it is a TV series you would first have to look at who you
would approach to consider the work. You could of course go straight to your
local public service station, something like RTE or TV3 in Ireland or a local
PBS in America, (like NBC, ABC, CBS etc)the issue there is of course that it is
free to air TV and that may not suit your script. The problem there being that
as the station gains its revenue from advertising and can be viewed by all, its
legislation may be tighter than a cable station. The fact that anyone can
stumble upon any of those stations means that the FCC rules on them will be
quite tight. You decide to look over the FCC guidelines at http://www.fcc.gov/guides/public-and-broadcasting-july-2008 for better reference.
You see that ‘FCC
rules generally do not govern the selection of programming that is broadcast.
The main exceptions are: restrictions on indecent programming, limits on the
number of commercials aired during children's programming, and rules involving
candidates for public office.’
Now you could always get rid of all that glorious sex and
tone down the violence and bad language, A-Team style, but let’s say that
you’re married to the idea that the pilot it a topless, tobacco chewing,
x-model with a bad attitude and a worse temper, so you leave that avenue aside,
let us say that you can’t really self regulate.
When it comes to companies, media companies in particular,
firstly to safeguard the public and insure the media produced is of a high
standard, and secondly it insures good economic competition.
The other option left open to you is cable. Now cable does not
mean that you can keep the pilot Mandy as you wrote her, thought the
legislation is lighter, the choice of stations is broader. Again doing your
research you look at http://www.fcc.gov/guides/obscenity-indecency-and-profanity
and note that as your piece is not patently offensive or morally objectionable,
you feel sure it can air on cable. Most PBS will show Friends, Frasier and
Melrose Place, most will cover the news and have generic sports shows, local
drama and news anchors interviewing the fishwife down the road about the new
beer batter she’s invented, (pretty bland stuff and another good reason to keep
Mandy off those stations), but on cable, stations have a definite identity.
Cable stations by their very nature are harder to find when you plug in your
new TV from the radio shack, you have to subscribe, and with subscription comes
the benefit of lighter FCC regulation. The theory being that as you have to
make a conscious choice to search out and pay for the channels in question, you
will be more aware of what you are going to watch, and there for there is a
certain amount of self regulation, (the stations themselves self regulate a
lot, adhering to the guidelines of the stations mandate, e.g. The Disney
channel won’t be making Dexter or Breaking Bad any time soon).
Now, according to Nielsen, (http://www.nielsen.com/us/en/insights/press-room/2008/average_u_s__home.html)
the average U.S. home receives 118.6 TV channels, and there are hundreds of
cable channels, (especially when you consider that stations like HBO will have
several of the same channel that will either come on at a different time or be
in a different language like Spanish). All of which means that you will have
your work cut out aiming your project at the right target. For ease though we
can break down the stations into Educational, Entertainment, Home and Leisure,
Kids and Family, Movies, Music, News, Sport, Religious, Shopping, Ethnic, Adult
and miscellaneous. You choose to look at the Entertainment channels, as even
with Mandy, your topless co-pilot, you are proud of the fact that there is too
much plot and characterisation for the Adult networks. However, entertainment
is a huge category and you will need to narrow down your search further,
targeting channels like HBO, Showtime and the Syfy channel. You scribble out a
kickass treatment and synopsis of your show and, (merciless upon merciless)
manage to get them onto the submissions desk of said companies. Noting for it
but to wait and see.
But... while you were busy on an eight week sabbatical from
work, writing your opus and researching the best place to send it, you got all
consumed in your craft, forgot to go back for an extra week and they fired
you... Now, you could look at this as a catastrophe, but as a burgeoning artist
you see the silver lining, while you’re waiting to hear back about your TV
series, you have lots of time to write up the pilot for the show, which could
double as a standalone movie. Happy days!
So, your movie is written, the TV stations haven’t come back
to you yet, and who needs them anyway, Hollywood’s calling. Now, your best
friend Charles Orange has been working in the industry as an agent for several
years now, and having read the script promises to get it into the hands of the
movers and shakers in the movie biz. He hits the studios, producers and film
companies for you and all you have to do is wait, and perhaps get a job in
Blockbusters or bussing tables to keep yourself fed till your boat comes in.
The first nibble comes from an art house company, who are
‘in love’ with your script. They particularly like the addition of Mickey, the
ships computer, who was Mandy’s paraplegic father, whose brain was transplanted
into the computer upon his death, when Mandy inherited her half of the ship.
She doesn’t know this and want to play up the developing love interest between
the two. They say it would be low budget, of course, but they would stay true
to the underlying truth within the script, and what’s more they can almost
guarantee distribution. It would be an independent art house release, into
chosen cinemas worthy of its beauty and soul.
You tell them you’ll think about it.
The next is from an independent film company, who tell you
that the script is ‘awesome’. They love Mandy and her zero G antics, guns, cursing
and space shenanigans, sex and violence with a good story, they are willing to
go with the script as is. They have a
director lined up, he’s just out of college, has done several music videos and
two short films, one of which was on TV. Funding will be an issue and they
won’t have the budget that the film deserves, so those big space battles might
have to be done as blips on Mandy’s radar and the landscapes of the seven
galactic wonders will have to be low grade CGI and there will only be two of
them, but the story, violence and all, will be shot as written. Oh, and you
will be on parentage, (not a big one, but still)...
It all sounds good, and you are ready to go with it but then
Agent Orange calls you and says that Fincher is interested, and with him comes 20th
Century Fox. Success! They think your script ‘has potential’, and with a few
more re-writes it will be good enough to take to the next stage. 20th
Century Fox don’t really like the over use of the F work and think that if they
aim it to a PG or 15’s audience they will be able to gross more at the box
office. This would of course mean that Mandy will have to be fully clothed,
(which you’re not too happy with), and there can’t even be a hint of
cyber/taboo love with her ship/father (which suits you just fine). However,
with the 20th Century Fox logo comes the budget to match, and the
space battle will be a thing of wonder, enough to make Lucas himself weep. The
Galactic wonders will be spectacular and will be done by Pixar, and Fincher
thinks he can guarantee Angelia Jolie. He will of course film in 3D.
Four re-writes later, 20th Century Fox have said
that Pepsi have come on board and have asked for the spaceship to be made in
the shape of the new bottle they’re bringing out next year, and Levis have been
brought in to do the costumes and interiors, so that cyberpunk thing you had
written in will have to be shelved. Mandy has been given a cute sidekick called
Boffin and doesn’t die at the end, as this would just bring the audience down.
As McDonalds are sponsoring all food on set and paying for product placement
whenever Mandy eats anything, and they are having a kiddies meal deal when the
film comes out with a toy Mandy or Boffer, so they’re lowering the
certification to 12’s.
You complain to your agent, but he directs you to http://business.pearlanddean.com/audience_profile,
where you can see that smart, young audiences are who are going to the cinema
now, and you have to target your product to your audience. He also tells you
that the film will have a world wide release in multiplexes everywhere. Advertising
will be huge, with the multiplexes advertising the film on their own sites as
well as in store. The release will only be in 3D, and when you ask why he tells
you it is to prevent piracy, to stop thieves taking money out of your and the
studios pockets. You will be able to
call the shots on your next project and this will get you a name for yourself
and a seat at the big boys table. You are still unsure... till he tells you how
much 20th Century Fox are paying for the script. He also says that
Fox will be willing to do a cartoon spin off if the sales warrant it and perhaps
will take on your TV script, (it may need a rewrite, but we can talk about
that). You doubt 20th Century Fox can do all that and then he shows
you http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x6596038
on the web and points to a section which reads,
‘In
2008, Rupert Murdoch's company, News Corp, generated $33 billion in revenues,
which is more than TimeWarner, Viacom or CBS. Only GE and Disney generate more
revenues, and GE has a substantial amount of non-media operations. Given the
wide range of assets within the control Rupert Murdoch, you have to wonder when
the GOP refers to the liberal media, what exactly are they referring to?’
Thirteen months later you are
sitting in the third row of the latest 20th Century Fox premier, ‘The
Seven Portals of Singular Pax 12’. You sip the complementary Pepsi and play
with the kid’s model of Boffer the ‘Wonder Dog’ while waiting for the feature
to start. You may feel a bit sad after watching what may have seemed like
someone else’s film, but you can always cheer yourself up by driving to your
new home in your new BMW, (Who have agreed to endorse your next project)
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